Things I Hate About Porn

I already had a mini discussion about this back in April but there are some things in porn that get on my nerves... it's easy to see that I like porn, not 4-hours-a-day like it, but I think it's interesting to say the least... however, as of late, there are some things I'm starting to notice that are rubbing me the wrong way (no pun intended)

BABY-OILING CHICKS

Motherfucker for what? Who is this shit supposed to impress? I have never had the desire to baby oil the hell out of a chick... that shit doesn't turn me on... who thought this was a good idea? It's a waste of time... you spend all this time rubbing baby oil on this girl's ass moaning and shit like that's the biz... can't be serious, my dude...

WHEN THE FIRST TWO MINUTES OF THE NEXT CLIP IS AT THE END OF A MOVIE

I HATE WHEN THIS SHIT HAPPENS... because it's almost a certainty that THOSE two minutes are better than the other 14 of the other video you just watched... and it's unfair!!! I stay catchin' that shit... like the dude who uploaded the vid couldn't just keep that part off... he knew what he was doing...

BEING IN THE SAME POSITION FOR A LONG ASS TIME WITH NO VARIATION

I feel like I'm watching a gif sometimes... for 19.3 minutes, you've hit it from the back and nothing's changed... not the rhythm, not her moaning, not even an ass slap... this shit is boring as fuck... DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT MOTHERFUCKER...

NO STORYLINE

I mean, don't get me wrong, if the fucking is top notch, the storyline isn't that important... and if the fucking is lame as hell, then a good storyline isn't going to save it... but I happen to enjoy a good storyline once in a while (it's the writer in me, I guess) I'm not saying it's gotta be a whole long, drawn out thing but some of the jawns I've come across lately are these mother-daughter jumpoffs (they're not really mother and daughter, so hush) where like the mom will come home and catch her daughter and the boyfriend in the act, and she joins in... that's fucking brilliant... it's not a whole movie or anything but it has a little drama to it... that's all I'm sayin'...

CHICKS WITH NO BODY

If you have zero curves, you shouldn't be doing porn... I'm sorry... that's like a nigga with no dick doing porn... fuck outta here...

NIGGAS TALKING ABOUT RANDOM SHIT

I can't remember his name (he kinda looks like a strong-ass Lloyd Banks) but that nigga talks ENTIRELY too much... not even about the pussy... just random shit like "Damn, did I pick up eggs when I went to the grocery store...? I hope so because I really want a three-egg omelet in the morning... throw some cheese and some tomatoes in that joint... it's gonna be good as fuck... damn, I hope I got some eggs because I don't feel like going back out..." All this is going on WHILE he's fucking... WTF? Ain't nobody tryna hear that shit... if I wanted to laugh, then I wouldn't watch porn... I'd watch something funny...

RANDOM ASS INTERVIEWS IN THE BEGINNING

After she says her name, I don't need to hear shit else... the only reason I even need to know her name is so I can look her up later on if she's any good... why you interviewing her like it's a damn customer service position available...? "When did you lose your virginity? What's your favorite position?" (They always doggystyle anyway) "Who are some of your porn role models?" Miss me with that shit and commence to fuckin'...


Ya'll be easy...