30 Qualities My Wife WILL Possess

I stole this from my beautiful (but seemingly blind... LOL) friend Candice... she made a list of all the things she's looking for in a person, so I decided to do the same thing... these are in no particular order by the way but they are definitely non-negotiable when it comes to the subject of MARRIAGE:

- Let's get the ball rolling with loyalty... and that's more than just cheating, it's also having my back... in my mind, not cheating is a given... if you can't keep your cooch in your panties, then what is the point of us being together in the first place? As far as having my back, I don't wanna feel like I'm all alone in this thing... I feel like if you have a dream and something you're trying to accomplish, then you should have my support... it should be the same on your end...

- Probably the most important thing on this list is honesty... I need a person that's going to be truthful at all times... don't be scared of the consequences if you've fucked up... just be real with me... because I'm definitely going to keep it 100 with you... if we can't be honest with each other about what we're thinking, what we're feeling, it's destined to fail...

- to correlate that: have some fucking tact... don't be overly honest... or start telling me a bunch of shit I didn't ask about... there's a big difference between being honest and just being a smart-ass... don't tell me how many people you've slept with... or all the freaky things you used to do with your exes... that's TOO honest... keep that shit to yourself because I'm definitely not telling you everything I've done (and trust me, you do NOT wanna know those tidbits of information)...

- I definitely need a woman who has natural beauty... if you have to take four hours and two pounds of make-up to look good and get ready everytime we go somewhere, then to me, that's not a natural beauty... I need a person that can look just as good going to a formal ball than you would going to the neighborhood chinese spot in a pair of sweats... to me, that's a natural beauty... you look good no matter what...

- My wife definitely needs to have the "the DAMN factor" which means, when you take all your clothes off, I need to just be like "OMG, my baby is sexy as hell!" That also means, if you have a big booty or if you have amazing lips, nice breasts or whatever... you need to know how to accentuate it... not to the point where everything is hanging out for everybody to see, but I need to feel turned on by you...

- This should go without saying but I need a woman that takes care of herself... wash your ass everyday... getting your nails and hair done every week is nice but not a requirement... but if your feet look like mine, that's a problem.. I want to be able to be seen with you in public without thinking "man, what does my girl got on?" Now, granted, I know we all have off-days and that's cool... I just don't want it to be a regular occurence, is all I'm saying... exfoliate them arches once in a while...

- A little freakiness goes a long way... maybe freakiness isn't the right term... let's just say willing to try new things... now for whatever reason, people seem to think that they're just automatically a beast between the sheets when in many cases, it's not the case... especially with women... ya'll are really gassed up like ya'll got the best pussy ever (and it's probably because some dude told you that shit) but everybody can improve... that's how I see it... now it doesn't have to be some straight weird shit like bringing in midgets or all this other wild shit you've seen on Real Sex 74 or whatever... but if you like to be pleased a certain way, then I'm going to do whatever I can to see that you get it that way, so I expect the same from you... and don't be afraid to try some things that you probably otherwise wouldn't...

- I need a woman who has intelligence... read a damn book... I swear I hate when somebody tells me "oh, I don't read" well motherfucker, why not? Even if you just read Zane novels, READ!! I guess to me, if you can read, you can usually speak about something clearly and intelligently; I don't know many people who can articulate something without reading... I'm not saying you have to read something every day but damn, have something to talk about other than what you saw on TV... also to go with intelligence, stop acting like you know every fucking thing because you don't... there's nothing wrong with asking questions or learning something... stop misspelling words and thinking that shit is cute... it's not... if you're a grown ass woman, you should be spelling correctly... period...

- While I understand that you're not going to like everything that I do, don't put down things I like... I understand I'm an unusual person... I'm not your average dude, so if I happen to like something the average person doesn't, or even something you don't... don't put me down... I guess this goes back to the support thing... I'm not saying you have to like everything I like, but I don't see how hating or putting down what I like or want solves anything... now general teasing is cool... LOL... I understand that, but turning up your nose at something I love just because it's not your thing is unacceptable...

- I don't know where this new phenomenon came from but don't tell me about other niggas you're feeling... don't tell me about some motherfucker you think is cute, sexy, would have babies with, etc... I'm not even the jealous type but I don't wanna hear that shit... especially if it happens to be some random nigga on the TV... that shit is beyond retarded... I bet you don't wanna hear how I'd beat the brakes off of ol' girl in the Jack Daniels commercial, do you? Exactly, so share that bit of fodder with a girlfriend or cousin or whoever... JUST NOT ME...

- She HAS to be funny... if you can't make me laugh at least a dozen times a day, then it's not going to work... I don't want somebody who takes life so serious that they just can't laugh... I need a person who has a similar sense of humor because how can you understand me if you can't understand what makes me laugh? I don't wanna laugh at something that you're going to get all offended about... that's just going to cause problems... I think that's essential in any relationship, not just a committed one like a marriage...

- My wife needs to know how to cook... I don't know where women got this notion that they don't have to know how to cook... that shit is unacceptable... I'm not saying you gotta provide gourmet meals everytime I'm in the house... but I need you to be able to do more than warm up something in a microwave or call for take-out... can you make a nigga some gravy? Do you know how to prepare a lasagna from scratch? If all you can do is microwave something, then what do I need you for? I'll just date the damn microwave...

- Motherly instincts are essential... if we're getting married, the assumption can be made that I see you as the future mother of my children... if I can't see you as that, then a relationship is not going to work out... I don't date just to be dating... I date for the prospect of marriage...

- I want a woman to be able to teach me things... I love to learn... if you can't teach me anything or if there's nothing I can't get from you that will help me grow as a person, then I just think it leaves a lot to be desired...

- I need a woman who's compassionate... I hate when a girl tells me "I don't want you to be in a bad mood around me"... what if I'm in a bad mood before you come around, you ass? Am I supposed to feign happiness so YOU don't feel bad? How about trying to figure out what's wrong? Or at least being sympathetic to the fact that I'm not in the best of moods... I could see if I was always in a bad mood but if you can't be sympathetic to my needs then I just feel like you don't care...

- I definitely need a woman who loves me for me (i.e. stop trying to change me)... I will never understand why a woman feels like she can find a guy she likes and then go out of her way to change everything about the dude... if that's the case, why not just pick anybody and change him to how you want him to be? I'm me and I'm content with the person that I am, so if you're not, then maybe you should find yourself someone else... I don't need you to be all on my ass about the things you don't like about me...

- I feel like a woman should be appreciative if I go out of my way to do something, I think it would behoove you to at least say a "thank you baby" and genuinely mean it...

- I really need a humble woman in my life... obviously if you possess all the qualities listed here, you ARE the shit... that doesn't mean you have to act like it though... you don't have to act like I should be bowing at your feet like your the Queen of England or something... that shit is a turn off, real talk... I don't need you to tell me how any other nigga would just LOOOOOOVE to be with you... I bet he would... and if that's how you feel, go get that nigga...

- Be secure with yourself... we are not going to have a conversation everyday where I have to tell you how beautiful you are... or how much I love you... it's just not going to happen... if I tell you I love you on Tuesday, why are you questioning it on Thursday? I still love you girl... stop acting like that...

- There is nothing more wonderful than a real God-fearing woman... I'm not saying you have to be in church four days a week but if I say "baby, I want you to pray for me" I would expect you to be able to do that without feeling awkward... I definitely plan to have some spiritual counseling before I get married so I need you to be down with that...

- There is nothing I love more than a woman who is not consumed with other people's lives (celebrities, girlfriends, etc)... I'm not a gossipy person (yes, gossipy is a word... LOL) so I'm not trying to hear everything about Beyonce, Rihanna, Oprah and all that other silly ass celebrity shit... who cares? They live regular lives just like you and me... that shit's just not fascinating... I don't wanna hear about your girlfriend's problems just because she just told you her baby-daddy cheated on her for the fourth time and she keeps going back to his silly ass... once in a while is cool, but I hate hearing that shit everyday...

- I need a woman that loves her family and my family... as much as my family gets on my nerves at times, I need her to get along with my peoples... I don't want it to be a bunch of awkward silences and shit everytime she comes around... I also don't want it to be weird when I go around her family and her mom is giving her the evil eye and her dad treats her like shit so now she got daddy issues that I gotta contend with... it's just extra stress...

- As you can tell I'm a talkative person, so it's only natural that I need somebody I can have a conversation with... a REAL conversation... not just you talking and me listening... I don't need somebody to talk AT me... I need somebody I can talk WITH... we need to have open lines of communication or this shit isn't going to work...

- My woman needs to have something going for herself and this is more than just going to college... lots of people go to college and don't do shit with themselves afterwards, so don't think having a BA means you're done accomplishing shit... you should have dreams and goals and aspirations... if you're cool with working at McDonalds for the next 40 years, then that's fine... but you won't be spending those 40 years with me...

- If we're having an argument (because relationships are prone to have arguments), don't bring up super-old shit... if we're arguing about something that's going on today, February 18th, don't bring up some shit from July 26th of last year... how is that relevant to what's going on right now? Why can't we just stay on subject?

- PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE!!! I can't stress this enough... if everything about your life revolves around what's going on with me, it's just not going to work... I need you to have your own life, your own friends, your own likes and dislikes... be your own person... depending on me to be everything you need is a sure way for us to fail...

- That being said, look at us as one, not you and me... now I know this sounds contradictory to what I just said but I mean it as this... if we're married, don't look at it like YOUR money and MY money, or YOUR house and MY house... this is OURS... we're a unit... looking at it as there's your stuff and my stuff doesn't work for me...

- This one is VERY important: make sure there's no unaddressed baggage... if you have any exes you're still harboring feelings for... miss me with that shit... don't bring anything that doesn't have to do with our relationship INTO the relationship... external forces harm relationships just as much internal stuff... I've had more relationships end because somebody wants to be with some other nigga who "finally got their stuff together" and they wanna give it "one more chance..." address that shit before we even get into something real...

- Please be a damn woman... sexist as it sounds, women should embrace their womanhood... I'm so tired of all these women who feel like they have to do everything men do... why can't you just be you? Why do you feel it necessary to prove you can "do everything a man can do"? To me, that's a sign of insecurity... just do you... I don't need a woman farting and burping all around me and shit... I want a woman who's dainty... LOL... say what you want but that acting like a dude shit isn't cool with me...

- Last but not definitely not least, say what you want and how you want it... my biggest pet peeve is when I ask someone what they want to do, what they want to eat, etc. and their response is "I don't care... whatever you want..." and then when I proceed to do what I want or eat what I want to eat, they start nitpicking and saying where we should have gone or what we should have done... the opportunity was presented to you and you reneged on that opportunity, so you have no one to blame but yourself so sit there and be quiet... again, it's all about communication...

Now as of yet, I haven't met a woman who's possessed all these things (shit, most of ya'll aren't even coming close) but I just felt it was necessary to post it since people are always asking why I don't wanna get married... here's your answer...