In any event... enjoy:
You Know What REALLY Grinds My Gears? (3)
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
People Who Try To Shit on Your Dreams. Do you know anybody that anytime you mention doing something that means something to you, they start with this ol' "Awww nigga, you can't do that." I hate that shit! YOU can't do it, you ol' duck-face, backwards ass nigga! I'm Greg. I'm motherfuckin' magnificent, you ass clown. Who are you to tell me what MY potential is? Just because your ass can barely count to two doesn't mean I can't do things that I know I'm capable of doing. But it's all gravy. Your life sucks, so you assume nobody can be as good as you are when, in fact, everybody walking by you on a daily basis has a life that's 600% better than yours. Man, that must suck. No wonder you're so upset. (Key the Cam'ron gif: YOU MAD! YOU MAD!)
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
Old People Who Try to Tell You How to do Everything. You old! You've lived your life so quit trying to run mine. I mean, I love your advice when I ask for it. But I don't need you to tell me the best way to program a VCR. It's 2007! Get your old ass a DVR and a DVD player. VCRs are obsolete. Telling me I'm not gonna amount to nothing because I don't want to listen to your old grey ass. You don't know EVERYTHING, so stop trying to act like you do. You being older than me just means you were born before I was. Being old doesn't just make you wise beyond all measure. I could see if I asked you to give me some information on something in particular but I've been alive 22 years and I've been functioning pretty well, so thank you for your help, but keep that to yourself.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
People At Fast Food Places Who Can't Get Your Order Right. All I want is a #5 with two apple pies. Why is that so hard to get? Five doesn't sound like three, four, six OR eight. Five sounds like five. So why is that you're hearing EVERYTHING BUT FIVE? I don't even know what the other ones are. I just want a number five, so I can go home, stuff my face and go to bed before work tomorrow. I mean, this is basic communication. It ain't like I'm yelling from across the street. And what about when the people at the window get your order right but the people putting your food together get it ALL wrong? Ayo, where the hell are my fries and my burger? She gave me a bag with straws and napkins! Where is all the damn food? And is this Dr. Pepper? I ordered a sweet tea! I mean if you all were going to be this incompetent, I can always just come back there and make the shit myself.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
These New Cartoons. What is going on with these new cartoons I'm seeing? Whatever happened to Bugs Bunny, Tiny Toons, Daffy Duck, the REAL Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, X-Men, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote, Tom & Jerry and Foghorn Leghorn? I feel so bad for these kids today. I wake up in the morning and Doo Wop is watching some cartoon with these two rabbits. One is the mom rabbit and the other is named Max, I think. This nigga Max does everything his mother tells him NOT to do. And she acting all cautious like "Oh Max, don't do that. I'm so upset with you." and he sitting there laughing. Is this what we're teaching kids now? You don't have to follow my directions and I'ma just say "Oh Max, don't do that. I'm so upset with you." You need to Hulk Hogan leg drop his ass! I mean, she told this little nigga to go to the store and buy something for $1 because they didn't have but like $10 to buy her mom a present for her birthday. This nigga came back with all kinds of shit. They didn't even have money to catch the bus back home! Do you have any idea what Lisa McAllister would've done to me if I had tried that shit? And don't even get me started on Dora The Explorer. I wake up and this chick is staring me dead in the face. I'm thinking the channels must be stuck or something and then she starts talking again! I'm like "WHAT THE FUCK!?" I mean, I understand it's supposed to be interactive, but damn. I mean, I don't even understand why kids still get up on Saturday morning. Back in '93, I couldn't wait to wake up, get a big ass bowl of Cap'n Crunch and watch cartoons. The cartoons they have now, I'd just stay the fuck asleep.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
All These Studies They Have About What's Bad for People. I'm watching this story on TV about how TV is bad for you. Isn't that the WRONG message to be sending to people? I'M WATCHING YOU ON THE TELEVISION AND YOU'RE TELLING ME IT'S BAD FOR ME? Am I the only one who see what's wrong with that? You tryna lose your job by telling people it's bad to watch me. It's like me telling people in Foot Locker that sneakers cause cancer. That's so ass backwards. On top of that, is it just me or is EVERYTHING bad for you? Food is bad for you. Sex is bad for your. Work is bad for you. Air is bad for you. Water will fucking kill you. Don't drink that shit! I mean the better study would be what's GOOD for me? Shit, I already know what'll kill me. What's gonna keep me alive?
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
Foot Locker Customers (Part Three): Stop asking me what's the newest thing to come out. If you don't know, then does it really matter what I say? You don't know, so no, it doesn't matter. Ask me that again, and I'ma just tell you the most expensive shit in the store. "Newest thing? Oh, these $195 sneakers right there. Just got these in 94 seconds ago, fam. You gonna be the first person ALIVE with these on." I mean if you gonna ask dumb questions, I might as well enjoy a fatter commission, right?
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
The Time Between the End of Basketball Season and the Beginning of Football Season. I swear this is like the worst time to be alive. There's nothing going on but women's tennis, NASCAR (don't even get me started), WNBA, and golf. The other day I was watching ping-pong, y'all! That's all ESPN could show, I guess. And while I'm on this random tangent, since when is eating hot dogs a fucking sport? I eat hot dogs all the time. I should be the MVP of the league if it's like that. Mother fucking hot dogs. This is what ESPN had to show me. And they had the nerve to talk about it like it was a real sport. They got ranks all that shit. Doo Wop can eat food. That shit doesn't amaze me. I can't believe they treat it like it's something that's actually competitive. I mean come on. At least have them like eat and then run somewhere. And they can't throw up. If they throw up then they get shot with a taser until they can eat 74 Cheetos covered in chocolate pudding. Now that's a sport!
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
People Who Can't Spell My Name Correctly. It's fucking H-E-D-G-E-P-E-T-H. There are no As in my name. I understand my name isn't exactly well known like Jones or Williams, but damn, it ain't THAT hard to spell. It's only nine letters. And EVERYBODY spells that shit wrong. People will ask me how to spell it and they'll still spell it wrong.
...and that's what grinds my gears. Diane?
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