In any event... enjoy:
You Know What REALLY Grinds My Gears??? (1)
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
Bullshitters: You know you're a bullshitter. You KNOW that shit. Why not just own up to it? Why try to be something you're not? You're not cool, fam. You're a lame. Why bullshit like you're not? Why act like you can do something you know you can't do? Stop with the bullshittin', bullshitter.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
People Who Can't Control Their Kids: Lady, grab his ass! He keeps running around knocking shit over, screaming about how he wants some McDonalds. Well, either take his ass to McDonalds or keep him quiet! I mean, seriously, control your fucking brat. You're HIS parent, so why are you the one being quiet and he's yelling about SpongeBob? Knock his ass out or do something!! We (the people in line, or at the grocery store, or in the book store, or in the movies) wish we had the right to just hit his ass in the face with a chainsaw because Timmy doesn't have the mental capacity to do anything but cry when things don't go his way. AS A MATTER OF FACT...
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
The Fact That I DON'T I Have the Right to Hit Timmy in the Face With a Chainsaw When He Acts Up: no explanation needed.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
Customers at Foot Locker (sometimes!): Stop asking me dumb fucking questions. Seriously. Ma'am, there's a huge sign we have that explains what the "2 for $89 Sale" is all about. No, you don't get one for $45. If that were the case it would be the "1 for $45 Sale." Just leave, lady. No, sir, we don't have that shoe in another color because if we did, it would be out on the wall. You see, we here at Foot Locker are not about hiding all the good products from the customers. That would be bad for business. The people at Foot Locker are smart. They put EVERYTHING out, so that customers will have all the options available. Gee, isn't that neat? Those people sure do know what they're doing sometimes. Oh, you again, ma'am? No, you cannot have $10 off. You see, we make shoes a certain price for a reason. If we were going to just give people shoes for discounted prices, then there wouldn't be any reason to mark them, now would there? Ok, sir, as I have explained to you, no, we don't have any other sizes other than that one you're holding. That's right, it's a size 8 and a 1/2. No, sir, you see. A size nine is different than an 8 and a 1/2, therefore we don't have it. Yes, that also goes for size 9 and 1/2 and larger. You get it now? Yeah, I know you don't but put the shoe down anyway. There you go. Have a great fucking day!
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
Hot and Humid Days: WHY IS IT SO FUCKING HOT OUTSIDE? I mean, a nigga is sweating before I even get in the car!! What kinda shit is that? About to fall the hell out just going to get the mail. That's just outrageous.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
Bill Collectors: I know I owe you people money. I'm not an idiot. I am, however, broke. You calling me seventy-eight times before I get paid is a sure way not to get your money. Cingular? They get their shit EVERYTIME. Because they don't call me at work (Chase) asking me when I'm going to pay. When I get some money, stupid! It's not like I got it and I'm just hiding the shit under my mattress. I swear, they get straight up retarded sometimes. And it's always the same dude calling me with the Indian accent talking about "he don't know what the problem is." I'M BROKE, JACKASS! That's why I needed a credit card in the first place! So I could buy shit that I couldn't otherwise afford. You do know WHY! Don't play dumb.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
People Who Ruin Things: The ends of movies, the mood, etc. Just all you people should be shot. You ever run into somebody after you just did something you really enjoy and they just kill it with their negativity? They make it seem like everything they do is so damn great and everything you do ain't shit.
ME: Ayo, I just graduated from high school.
THEM: Nigga, I graduated LAST YEAR. You late.
I mean, shut the fuck up. And people who ruin movies are the worst.
ME: "Ayo, I just rented 'Death Party 3'. I hear it's pretty good. I can't wait to watch it."
THEM: "AWWWW NIGGA!!! AT THE END, 47 MIDGETS COME OUT OF THE BOSS'S OFFICE AND JUST START KILLING EVERYBODY IN THAT MU'FUCKA WITH UZI'S, NIGGA!!! I MEAN, YOU DON'T EVEN SEE THAT SHIT COMMMING, NIGGA!!! YOU GOTS TO SEE THAT SHIT!!!"
ME: "Kill yourself. Please. I beg of you."
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
BET: Man, what the hell happened to BET? I really have no words for it. If you watch BET, then you know what I mean. If you used to watch BET and you don't now, then you DEFINITELY know what I mean.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
The Fact That Waffle Crisp Isn't Easily Accessible: This has gone on long enough. I need a bowl of it in my life immediately.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
People Acting Like Sex Isn't Important: Granted, it shouldn't be the basis of the relationship, but thinking that it isn't a major part will assuredly get you cheated on. I mean, I ain't saying you gotta fuck the dude's brains out 24/7 but damn, let the dude get SOMETHING. If you don't want to fuck, give him some brain or something. Or let him smash twice the next day. And the same is true for you dudes. Stop acting like eating coochie is gonna give you heart disease. I mean, gracious, you'd be surprised just how much you might like it.
YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS?
The Fact That Melissa Lives in Greensboro and I'm in Raleigh: That's some bullshit.
...and, that's what really grinds my gears. Back you to you, Tom.
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