*THROWBACK POST* #3

So I've decided that since I'm bored and clearly not doing homework like I'm supposed to be doing, I'm going to post up some of my OLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD blogs from Yahoo! 360... and when I say old, I mean like up to four years old... LOL... nobody probably remembers these except Christina... or maybe she's the only person I still talk to from back then... Hmmmmmm...?

In any event... enjoy:

The Blog to End All Blogs (Boppa, I KNOW you remember the havoc this shit caused!! LMAO!)
You know... I'm starting to get sick of this...

For close to twenty-two years, I've always been the dude to talk to one girl at a time... ALWAYS... if I'm feeling somebody, she's the only one I see... you could come to me butt-ass naked, dripping with butter and I wouldn't give you a second look... and for those twenty-two years, it's gone horribly... I mean, I saw the things my pops used to do when I was younger and how he would lie to my mother and all his other little girlfriends trying to Pimp Poppa Playa and I told myself I would never be that way... I've ALWAYS craved a relationship... one that would start as two people and end up growing together and ending in a great and fulfilling relationship...

I mean, shit sounds simple enough to me...

My first crush was a young light-skinned girl named Jasmine... I first met her in second grade and I thought she was the best thing next to Aunt April's mac-and-cheese... it took me like four years to even admit to the girl I liked her and another four years tryna convince her to like me back... it didn't work of course, like always... so then there was Christina (not you Grandmommie), Nicole, Renecia, Yulonda, that other friend of Nicole's with the fat ass, that girl from earth science (can't remember her name) the countless girls from high school, Charnelle from the bus (asked her to prom, she politely declined)... and that was JUST up to the 12th grade... lol

Then in college, I met a girl named Jamesha... maaaaaaaaaan... JAMESHA... that girl was story-worthy... (for references, check "Getting Full On Cake" written by yours truly) I'm not even sure what it was about her, but I really liked her a lot... she was the first girl I ever introduced to my mother as "the girl I'm talking to"... I remember when I met her grandma (who introduced me to Better-Than-Sex Cake) and we played Life and her fine-ass cousin Carlette kept tryna seduce young-ass, naive Jamal and my boy Eugene... and I felt like I had met somebody I could actually have a relationship with... we talked for about six months until around Thanksgiving when she told me that her and her ex were getting back together outta nowhere and acted like I was just supposed to like it... I obviously didn't... but anyway, two months later, she's pregnant and engaged... of course i played the friend role and acted like it didn't bother me... "oh, that's so great... i'm happy for you" but I hated that shit... it hurt like a motherfucker... I mean, I had invested six months in her... IN US... I told my friends about her... she met the fam... and the way the shit went down... I just... ionno... didn't feel right to me... I STILL don't like how that shit happened, because I felt like shorty was stringing me along simply to entertain herself until her ex decided he was done doing whatever the fuck it was that kept them from being together in the first place... so needless to say, it took me a while to get over her...

Then there was CANDICE: a simply breath-taking woman who went to UNC... I fell hard for her but somehow got stuck in that fucking "Friend Zone" I hate so much... but as her friend, I had to listen to her relationship problems and all her dealings with deadbeat-ass niggas who treated her like shit... honestly the shit got on my nerves because she's such a great person and I felt like she was dealing with them when she didn't have to... so after a while, I told her how I felt... I mean, I broke that shit down so there could be nothing misconstrued and misunderstood... because in the past, people had always told me how they could never really tell how I felt... so once I told her that, she told me that her feelings for me were nowhere near as strong as mine and that distance would also be a problem, so we didn't hook up... this past year, she moved to Raleigh and we've had lunch a few times... and I simply can't get over how amazingly attractive she is... sometimes, it's so hard to see past her attractiveness but I do anyway... however, she's in a relationship... (and a long distance one at that... simply amazing... smh...) and being the man that I am, I'm not gonna try to interfere, even though I doubt if I tried it would matter about as much as putting a Sesame Street band-aid on a gaping head wound... I still want the chance to show her that I'm the type of man she's mentioned she wants, but she doesn't think so as she's already given me the "one day..." speech... so I'm guessing that's a wrap...

But then came along the best thing to ever happen to me: SHEA... I loved Shea a lot... I still do, but I digress... being the jackass I was, I went about it the wrong way as far as showing her... at the time I was dealing with a lot of emotional bullshit (as evidenced in the previous blogs) so we ended up breaking up and she, of course, didn't wanna speak to me for a while... I think the silent treatment lasted about two months... two months of me wanting to call her, but not trying to be a crybaby about the situation... I knew I fucked up, but what could I do? But the shit hurt like nothing I've ever experienced... I never thought a person could get that deep in my heart... Needless to say, the day she got at me again, I was so fucking happy... I smiled all the way back to my dorm room and waited for her to call me... of course we talked about getting back together... at first, I'll admit, I didn't wanna do it... I'm still not sure why... Iwas still kinda mad at her... ok, well I was REALLY fucking mad at her... she broke my fucking heart... even though, even if she never admits it, I'm pretty sure I was far worse to her than she was to me... and ionno... I was on some shit that day... months later, I tried to get with her and go a "no"... for the next few months, I continued to try to get with her and kept getting "no's" to which Shea attributes to me only wanting her because she was talking to other dudes on some jealousy shit or whatever, which to her, I guess makes sense.... but I really wanted to be with her... in a way, I still do... but it seems that we've become better friends than we ever could ever be as a couple even though she keeps asking for a ring, which more than likely isn't coming anytime soon seeing as she's had a boyfriend for the past year and some change... she tells me that will show I'm serious, but to me it seems ass-backwards to propose to somebody who has a boyfriend (a whole other situation altogether that's personal and I feel no reason to air it out here) but it's whatever... love her to death... she'll be a part of my life until Doo-Wop's getting social security checks (if George Bush doesn't fuck that up too) so anybody who's going to have a problem with her being in my life, get the fuck over it... THAT'S MY BABY-GIRL REGARDLESS...

After Shea, there were a few girls...
YOLANDA: Yolanda... wow... I kinda don't know what to say about her... she gets crazy jealous anytime I even MENTION another female... and yeah, I can't front... sometimes it gets on my nerves, but 99% of the time I just find it funny... especially when I tried to be with this girl so many times and kept getting "no's" (which is apparently because I keep asking at the "wrong" time, but whatever)... to this day, I've asked her out at least a dozen times, all which got "no's" but she swears out she loves me and wants to be with me... miss me with that bullshit... some nigga's been treating her like shit for the longest so if that's what she'd rather have, more power to her...

HOLLI: Maaaaaaaaaaaaan... Holli is probably the most attractive woman I know... I swear that woman is just sexy beyond comprehension... me and Holli were friends... and I say were just because it doesn't feel like that anymore... and I can't front... I probably never would've gotten at her if I hadn't found her so attractive (Ionno if she's gonna read this, but it's all about honesty in the blogs... lol) But over the months, I really got to know her... some of her dreams and aspirations and she was just that much more attractive to me... however, thinking I had no chance, I didn't even step to her... I'd play around and flirt with her and tell her how she was gonna be my wife and all that... but... ionno... I'm still not sure what happened with the situation... one day she kinda went off on me about a situation with Her and it kinda just dwindled down from that... I just know that if she lived closer (she's in Michigan, btw) I'd definitely try to make her a major part of my life... I guess the distance has prevented things from going farther or it could be something else... I'm really not sure...

CHRISTINA: Ok, most people know about Christina (my Boppah/Grandmommie)... she's the Khadijah to my Scooter... LMAO (it's an inside thing... you wouldn't get it) but there was a short period of time where we actually DID talk about being together... she said the distance (again... lol) was the biggest problem and at the time, I didn't understand it... because we were such great friends that a transition to a relationship seemed inevitable... but she said that we couldn't be together... and it hurt me a lot more than she'll ever know (don't worry... i'm 98.7% over it) but I still remained her friend and I STILL think she's a great woman... she's truly the biggest wild card of all because even though she has truly become my best friend, I could still see being in a relationship with her (even though intimacy would be sooooooo weird... we'd prolly laugh our way through it if we got to it... lol) maybe "one day..." LOL

PAIGE: Paige is such a cutie-pie... the lips on her are AMAZING... at first, me and her were mad cool... I really thought she and I might hook up... she was a little younger and I guess a little less experienced with life than I, but that didn't really bother me much... however... one night we were discussing sexual history (one in which, I guess you could say I'm a little more experienced than your average person) and I told her all that I had done and whatnot and it wasn't a problem... later, she brought it back up and tried to make me out to be some kind of sexual-driven hoebag who couldn't control his urges, simply because I told her I would be having lunch with an old friend (Candice) the following day... needless to say, we kinda had a falling out... and we've kinda gotten to the point where we're talking again... she wants to be back "like we were" and to me, eh... I mean, she's still a cool person and I still think she's a beautiful person, but some things about her just get on my nerves... like constantly telling me how I feel and what I mean when I KNOW what I mean, because I'm the nigga that's saying it... lol... but as time goes by, a situation could arise where we could get back to where we were, but as for RIGHT NOW, it's not happening...

ANNE: Anne is a girl I met last year around this same time... we would talk ALL THE TIME... we used to watch House and bug out on how he treated his patients (she put me on to that... good look, Anne)... we were cool for a while... but for whatever reason, we just kinda stopped talking... she didn't call me, I didn't call her (as much) and that's just how it was... a few months ago, I told her I was transferring to the same school she attends and she seemed really excited that I was going to be closer to her, but as the months have gone on, I see that we still don't talk as much, so I don't know what's going to happen with that situation...

SHANNA: I don't know what you would call me and her... we were cool... but she was dating other people... I was talking to other people... it just never really materialized... haven't talked to her in a while... she been busy doing stuff... eh... don't know what's gonna happen with that situation... for some reason her and Yolanda don't like each other (unrelated to me) but it's whatever...

THEN, SHE CAME ALONG...

If you don't know who She is by now, then you just haven't been paying attention to my life... but for the late comers She=Jill aka "Greg, will you please shut the hell up about that girl?" I met Jill around Memorial Day of last year and between May and August, Jill was my life... I mean... I have NEVER fallen for a girl so hard so quickly... and I mean, at the time, I had asked a bunch of girls to be my one and only and none of them seemed interested until Jill came along... I fell in love with Jill... it's been well-documented in the previous blogs... I'm not sure just what is so spectacular about Jill except the fact that she's so different from other females I've met... but she goes to Florida A&M and (among other things) she just wasn't interested in a long-distance relationship with somebody she'd only known for a few months... which of course hurt my heart like a motherfucker... (no one will ever comprehend just how deep my feelings run for this girl) but I tried my best to play the homie role... Ionno how good a job I did/done, you'd have to ask her that... I'm not sure where I stand with Jill... I do know that if she asked me at this very moment to be with her, I'd do it in a snap... but... unless somebody knows something I don't know, that's not happening anytime soon...

After Jill, it was hard to give my all to somebody because I felt like that's what I did with her and got nothing in return... well... not nothing, but not as much as I wanted... soooooo... I decided that there would be no more giving my all to a woman who wasn't giving her all to me... and that's not to say anything negative about Her, because I know the situation... it was simply a choice I made... soooooooo... after Jill, there was/is:

LADONNA: I really, really, really, really, really like LaDonna... she's been what I've wanted a lot of females to be... she's so compassionate about the concept of us... there are times when we don't have to say a word and she knows exactly what I'm thinking, feeling, etc. there are just so many things I love about her as a person and I know people (including her) are like 'well why won't you be with her?' AND I DON'T FUCKING KNOW!!! i really don't... some say I'm holding out for Jill (eh, I don't think i would lie to myself about that and say she wasn't a factor at first, but I don't think that's the case now)... some say I don't REALLY want a relationship... I'm just being difficult... LaDonna feels like I don't really care about her... I'm not really sure why I feel like I can't be with her... I know part of it is distance (she goes to school in CT)... it feels like my feelings remain while hers dwindle a bit while she's away and that's just not good enough for me... she says that's not the case and that they grow stronger but it's still a hard thing to believe... I really don't know what's going to happen with her... she's just so special to me, I don't wanna hurt her... but I'd rather hurt her before we got together instead of after...

MELISSA: I met Melissa a while ago... I think she's so fucking sexy... it makes no sense... she and I...? I'm not sure... I really care for a lot... and it's more than just on a romantic level because we haven't been close to intimate... lol... I truly value her friendship... she and I are so alike it makes no sense... even our exes have similar bullshit qualities... lol... I felt myself getting really close to her awhile back and then I fell back because I felt like I was moving faster than she was... in my mind, it was a coward move because I felt like it was getting close to another Jill situation and I still don't know if that's the case, but I made myself SLOOOOOOOOOW THE FUUUUUUUUUCK DOOOOOOOOOWNNNNNN... and I think in a way, it's been helpful for our friendship... I want to get to know her better and hopefully get closer to her and see where that could progress...

LANETTE: LaNette is a friend of mine who I've grown kinda close to over the past few weeks... the first night I met her, I told her I was attracted to her, but she kinda played it off like "yeah whatever" I told her that I was interested in her and I got another "yeah whatever"... LaNette feels like I "have too many females" which to me sounds crazy because I don't have ANY females...

Sure I go out with people and "date" I guess you could call it... but I'm a single black male... what the hell am I supposed to do? I stayed in the house and didn't date at all for a long ass time and everybody told me to get out the house and go do stuff... now I do that, and all I get is grief... it seems to me that females are unresponsive with me until there is another female "in their place"... and that's bullshit... if you care about me and wanna be my girl, why is it impossible for you to say something until after I'm spending time with someone else? Especially when I've told you I'm interested in YOU, many times before that? Yet you bitch, moan and complain about how I'm not taking your feelings into consideration... step up to the fucking plate and be a woman about your shit... POINT BLANK

But anyway, I digress from my point of this blog...

MELENY: I think Meleny is so fine, but I wouldn't even really consider us talking... I'd date her if I had the chance (and I KNOW you're reading this Meleny... lol) but who knows what's gonna happen there... I'm not even sure how she sees me... but anyway...

AMESHA: Man... you know how you watch TV... and two people kiss and they say they "feel" something...? I always thought that was a bunch of bullshit... until it happend with me and her... I literally felt a chill through my whole left side... it had me buggin' the whole night but I couldn't tell her... me and Mesha met about a year ago and I always was feelin' her, and I told her that from the beginning but for whatever reason, I wasn't convincing enough I guess becasue she didn't think I was being for real... a few months ago, she finally starting to take me seriously and we progressed to more than friends while still techincally keeping that title... I told her how I felt and that I wanted to be with her... but then a bunch of stuff about some other dude and her feelings and other things going on in her life and I felt out in the cold again... so yet again... ya boy fell back... the thing I find funny is that after she told me all this, whoever this other nigga is she's talking to or being with or whatever, had the gall to get at me and act like he wanted to make the situation worse than it is (SIDE NOTE: I WILL BEAT THAT NIGGA'S ASS IF IT COMES DOWN TO IT... POINT BLANK... AND IT WON'T BE BECAUSE OF AMESHA, IT'S SIMPLY DISRESPECTING ME AS A MAN... I DARE YOU TO FIND ME HOMIE AND I WLL MAKE YOU LIFE A LIVING HELL) As far as Mesha goes... I can't front, I still got crazy feelings for her... but I feel like it's no use because she's not as serious as I am... I read something not too long ago that women have emotional and physical relationships with men... sometimes, they choose to have them with both with the same person... sometimes, they'll have the emotional with one guy and the physical with another guy... now even though me and Mesha have kissed and whatnot, I still feel like she only takes the time out to talk to me simply because I make her feel good or whatever it is you wanna call it and that she's really not tryna be with me like I'm tryna be with her... she says things can be different once I move to Winston-Salem, but eh... I'm not expecting THAT much of a change...

Then there's ALECIA (some crazy ass female that I just can't seem to understand... she's everything I ever wanted but she seemes to have multiple personalities... one that REALLY likes me and the other who fucking hates my guts), TASIA (a girl from high school who claims she liked me back then but can't seem to pick up the phone now), TRACEE (my Chocolate Goddess who I think is just beautiful who I'm 99% sure has no idea how sexy I think she is), and TASHA (who is just a character and a half... lol... she loves, me she hates me... eh, I'll pass)
The fact is simply this: I'm single... if you are a female who is interested in being with me, then TELL ME... don't think I'm just supposed to know (Yolanda), or act like you're not interested but yet get upset if I mention I'm going out with somebody (LaNette), try to tell me how I feel (Paige and LaDonna), or any of that other bullshit y'all keep doing... now, I'm putting all this out here because I'm tired of people saying I'm keeping secrets OR saying they don't wanna hear about any other girls YET want me to be honest about what I'm doing... take this information and do with it whatever you please... obviously, I wanted you to know all this, so don't read bits and parts and try to come at me with some bullshit because that's not what it's about... know this: I'm going to date, see, chill with and do whatever with whomever I choose to until I feel like I've come to a point where there is just ONE person that I can devote all my time, energy, attention and effort to and that wants the same with me...

Damn, my wrist hurts...