Masturbation

So I get this random text from Paige who's telling me how her uncle and aunt just caught her 16-year old cousin watching some sex show, movie, something...

And at first I was like "wow, that sucks" because, I mean... ok, we're all adults here... can you imagine how horrifying it must be to be in the middle of getting a nut and then your parents bust in on you, like "what's the fuck's going on here?!?" Yo, I wouldn't jerk off again until I had my own house... lol... I am dead ass... but then she tells me that the parents had something recorded on DVR and they could tell somebody had watched it and I guess shorty was the only person in the crib...

Isn't that their own fault?

Can they really be mad about some shit THEY recorded and she just happened to watch...? She was probably just going through the DVR looking at random shit... Hannah Montana, Drake and Josh, 47 episodes of Spongebob Squarepants...

Hmmmm... Big Booty Hoes in Leather Part III? Never seen that one before... and BAM!

Ass and titties everywhere...

But that's not HER fault... her parents fucking recorded it... the first porno I ever watched (well the first CLEAR one... because back in the day, I used to watch it on channel 99... that was the flick channel but it was like scrambled and shit... so like, you'd have to wait like until a random moment and you might see a titty or some pubic hair... you could still hear the audio really clear though... I guess that's what I got out of it... that sounds really pathetic now that I look back on it... but I was like eleven or twelve years old, so sue me... anyway, I digress; wow, I'm sharing entirely too much information right now) well, like I was saying... the first porno I ever watched was when I was going through all the VHS tapes in the crib... and this was back in the day where people recorded movies on blank VHS tapes... so sometimes, you never knew what was on something until you actually put in the VCR (yes, this was like 1998 before DVD and Blu-ray players) and watched it...

So imagine my surprise when one day, I had literally put in every tape just to see something different... it was a boring ass weekend and I had nothing to do... so I put in this tape... I can't remember what it was called but it was your average name like The Cowgirl or something... it wasn't anything blatantly nasty like today's porno titles... so, of course, I sat there and watched it... nobody else was around... my sisters were outside with Lil' Mark and my mom was at work, so me being the inquisitive 13-year-old I was, you damn right I watched it...

Now the funny part about this story is that the title on the tape was DEFINITELY written in my mother's handwriting... so if I were to get caught, could she really blame me? It's not like I went through her things and found it... that shit was right there with all the other VHS tapes... now, of course I didn't get caught and I watched that shit for like two hours, I think... and it was a magnificent experience... I remember the girl-on-girl scene made my ears so hot, I had to turn the shit off for a second (girl-on-girl has since lost its luster... it's just not the same anymore...)

So in my opinion, it's her parents own fault that she got caught up on some sex shit... it's not like there's no other ways to conceal your porn stash... you got that shit on the DVR... really? Parents are full of shit sometimes... Paige talkin' about "they're grown and married... they can do what they wanna do..."

Man, miss me with that bullshit... she's a fucking teenager... of course, she's gonna be curious about shit... if her parents didn't want her to see it, then they shouldn't have put it on something like the damn DVR... frankly, I don't understand porn stashes anyway, because anytime I'm trying to rub one out, I got the internet that can provide me with any type of porn I might be feeling like seeing at the moment... black girls, white girls, fat girls, skinny chicks, MILFs... what the fuck do I need a DVD for? That shit will get boring after the first watch because I know exactly what's going to happen and when it's going to happen... where's the suspense? I know exactly when they're gonna switch positions... when she's gonna stop with the fellatio... it's just... ionno... I have to look at something different each time or it's just boring...

Guess that's just me... damn, I'm really tellin' ya'll too much information... but in any event, if you don't want your kids to watch porn, then don't fucking supply it for them... at least she's not being a fast-ass like I was at 16... I was doing ENTIRELY too much fuckin' by then...

Ya'll be easy...