I Will Never Be On a Reality Show...

It's not because I don't want to be... I just don't fit the criteria of a reality show member...

1) I'm not a skinny, white chick. This diminishes my chances greatly... as we all know, skinny, white chicks make up about 75% of reality shows... so I'm already going against the grain....

2) I don't have drunken fits of rage that cause me to fight random-ass people in clubs, public places, churches, etc. I only drink socially (even though there was that random Wednesday when I just threw some 151 in my cup for no apparent reason, but I digress...) and the last time I got in a fight, I was about 17, so again, my chances are looking really slim at this point...

3) I'm not distinctively sexy. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm a sexy beast but the fact of the matter is, I don't have that one distinct feature that makes me attractive... like a dude with a scar or a face piercing or Lady Gaga with her male genetalia...

4) I don't have a "story." I mean, sure I have my share of problems but it's nothing insane like my great-uncle raped me when I was four or anything of that nature... who's going to be compelled to watch a docile poet/writer who plays video games and reads as a hobby? Certainly no one that I know... I simply lead a boring life...

5) I'm not abrasively loud. Me and Nicole were just having this conversation the other day at the Cheesecake Factory... there were these kids outside that we're being really loud and we both realized that we don't really care for loud noises... I mean, sure, when we're argue, we're plenty loud (but even that's not that often) but for the most part, I carry myself in a quiet manner...

Now, I do have a few things that DO work in my favor:

- I have a girlfriend. And as we all know, when it comes to reality shows, there's always that one person that compels everybody to watch because there's the "are-they-gonna-cheat-or-not" factor... I doubt this would work in my favor once on the show because I'm not cheating... LOL... unless, they put Rosa Acosta up there... ...then all bets are off...

- I have a very low tolerance for bullshit. One thing you're not going to do is disrespect me... and since there always seems to be that one person on the show who's only intent is to be an asshole and me, being the person that I am, he's likely to get his ass slumped... and a good fight is always good television (for whatever reason)... I'd probably get kicked off because it wouldn't be some drunken fight I could apologize for and/or get counseling for... it would just be how I generally feel...

- I have never been anywhere so wherever we'd go, I'd probably act a fool there at first. I mean, unless it was like Real World: Raleigh, NC, I'd be so fascinated by everything that was going on, I wouldn't know what to do with myself... LOL... after a while, that would subside and I'd go back on my HW mode...

So yeah, it's not looking like it's going to happen anytime soon...

I'm just sayin'...