I Can't Sleep...

So it's 5:3o in the morning and I'm up eating spaghetti (hush Lela!) and drinking wine (I swear I'm becoming an alcoholic...) and it's got me thinking about my life... alot of people say you should never have regrets because a lot of things that you wish you'd never done have still shaped you in some way and made you a better person... and for the most part, I agree... but there's still a list of things I wish I'd never done...

I wish I hadn't lost my virginity at 14. It wasn't a bad experience... shit, it was a GREAT experience. But I wish I hadn't done it so young. I couldn't help it though. She was BAAAAAAADDDDDDDDD... I wonder what she's even doing now... I know she has like two kids (not mine) but that's about it...

I wish I had done better in high school. I was way too fucking bright to bullshit through high school and as a result, I ended up at East Carolina, which isn't a bad school by any means, but I was smart and talented enough to go to UNC... (getting a 3.5 my first year of college proved that) and that's going to always be my biggest regret I think...

I wish I had forgiven my father when I was younger. Right now, I can't even do it, B... like... even with all my issues, I can't bring myself to forgive him and have him as a part of my life...

I wish I had never discovered just how good fast food was. This is self explanatory... LOL... too much fast food has wrecked your boy's body (inside and out) and even though I barely eat it now, I know that it's caused plenty of problems in the past...

I wish I had gotten my driver's lisence back in high school. Being 24 with no L's is fucking embarrassing. It's gonna happen in August though... LOL... non-fiction...

I wish I had never gotten this tattoo on my right arm. I knew I wanted a sleeve but I feel like I was bullshitted simply because the tattooist never finished it and four years later, it's still unfinished on my arm and I'm not sure when I'll be able to get it covered... it's my own fault... I had gwap burning my pockets and I wanted my sleeve bad as hell... I wish I had been more level-headed back then...

I wish I had been there more for Alisa. Me and DeShaunne's relationship is vastly different from the one between me and Alisa... I know some of it couldn't be helped (I was away at college for much of Alisa's adolescence) but I didn't reach out to her like I did Jamal... and I feel like I hindered alot of her development because of that... she's still Lisa McAllister's child so she's gonna be fine but I feel like she could have been a much better woman if I had been a better big brother to her...

I wish I had socked that motherfucker John back in high school. He fucking deserved it. But I was trying to be a good dude about it and I just walked away. I should have picked up a stool and smacked the shit out of him... if it's one thing I can't stand it's a big, fake-ass, gangster-wannabe tryin' to pop shit like the kid can't put his ass down... I take that back... I probably would have gotten locked up for that shit though... our science teacher was a major snitch...

Ya'll be easy...