Her: Part II

Cold water trickled down my temples and soon my heart beat again. I felt the blood move through my veins and sat up to the concerned hazel-green eyes of Jasha.

"Baby are you ok?"

"I think so. Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I didn't know what to say. I figured this would be the best way but I didn't think you'd pass out on me."

I stood up and glanced in the bathroom again. I'd seen this type of scene on television a million times but never once imagined it would play out in my own life. I'd never even really seen one before but I knew exactly what it was.

Sitting next to its container was a plastic applicator the color of egg shells. Two pink parallel lines confirmed my biggest fears.

"We're pregnant," she squeaked out.

I was too shocked to even speak. She walked over to me and kissed my bottom lip. I held her in my arms for what seemed like hours, too nervous to move, too frightened of what was to come. Finally, my lips seemed to move.

"How long have you known?"

"I missed my period about two weeks ago. It's not the first time it's happened so I didn't think too much of it. But once I started feeling sick, I figured that's what it was. I took the test this morning."

"Why didn't you say something?"

"I didn't know what to say. And I didn't want you to worry about it before I knew."

"This is fucking crazy."

"My mom's gonna kill me."

"When are you gonna go to the doctor?"

"I'm not sure. I was going to call when they opened up around 9. I just wanted us to talk about it first."

I ran my hands across my caesar before Jasha strolled over to caress my forehead before kissing me.

"Look, everything's gonna be ok. Let's just take it one day at a time. Everything's gonna be just fine. Let's not even stress it."


We were driving back from the doctor's office. It ended up being nothing more than a formality. I know that home pregnancy tests can be faulty so I was trying my best not to put too much merit into it. But the doctor made the confirmation. Jasha was four weeks pregnant and since he'd told her, she hadn't stopped talking about it.

I hadn't said shit. Just kept thinking the same thoughts over and over.

Once we got back to my place, I slumped into the couch while she carried on and on in frenzied chatter. My next seven words stopped that.

"I don't want you to keep it."

Disbelief swept across her face.

"What do you mean you don't wanna keep it? We've been talking about this all week--"

"YOU'VE been talking about this all week! I haven't said shit. I never said I wanted to keep this baby!"

"You never said you didn't want it either!"

"I'm saying it now!"

"I can't fucking believe you."

I walked over to her and attempted to put my arms around her the way I always did when she was mad at me.

"Don't fucking touch me," she snapped, knocking my arms away. "I guess I'm good enough to stick your dick in, but God forbid we have a baby together. Shoulda fucking known."

"Come on Jasha, that's not what it is."

"Then what is it? Its not an issue of money because we both got that. So what's the damn problem?"

"I'm not ready to talk about this right now."

"Well, you better get ready! This ain't some frozen dinner you can just slide in the microwave whenever you get ready to eat it! Its a fucking baby, Dante!"

"You think I don't know that? I know its a fucking baby! You think I'm too stupid to get that?"

"Well, tell me what your problem is. Why don't you wanna keep it? 'Cuz we not married?"

I shook my head no and she let out a sigh of frustration.

Finally, I relented. "I'm... I'm just scared."

"I'm scared too. But we're gonna get through this ok? As long as we love it--"

"I'm scared I won't be able to love it."

"What?"

"I don't think I'm capable of loving somebody anymore. After my aunt passed away, it's been really hard to care about people. So I'm scared that we'll have this baby and I won't be able to love it."

"Baby, come on now. You love me right?"

My silence forced tears out of her eyes. Her lip trembled. She rose and put on her jacket.

"Well, look. I love you. If you don't wanna have a baby with me, then fine."

"That's not--"

"I'll go to the clinic on Monday and get it taken care of." She walked towards the door and something inside made me jump to my feet and follow her.

"Babe, can't we at least talk about this? I don't want you to be mad at me."

"There's nothing to talk about, Dante. I'll call you."

And then she was gone. As bothered as I was by the fact that she was angry with me, a sense of relief rushed over me. I could deal with her being mad at me for a little while. I'd call her in a few hours and everything would be fine.

I didn't hear from her all weekend. Those two days without her made me realize just how much I cared about her. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I can fully attest to that.

After 48 hours and 29 unanswered calls, I decided to go over to her house. I knocked for 246 seconds to no avail. I walked back to the Tahoe and sat for a few more moments just on the offchance that she might return soon. An hour passed before I drove away. In that amount of time, I discovered two things: I really did love Jasha and I didn't want her to get rid of this baby. I went by her job, by her school, by the mall, by her house at least four more times.

She was nowhere to be found. I didn't sleep. I had my ringer as loud as it could go. I called and called and called. Still nothing.

Finally, I decided that on Monday morning, I would just wait inside the clinic until she arrived. I woke up around nine and sped over to the clinic as fast as I could. As I turned into the parking lot, I was blindsided by a Suburban attempting to turn at the same time. I was unconscious for a few seconds but I seemed to be ok. The Tahoe was totaled. The Hispanic driver of the Suburban hopped out steaming mad, cursing me out in loud, indecipherable Spanish. My head throbbed a bit and soon his loud ranting reduced to a murmur. I sat back against my crumpled door and rubbed my fingers against my skull. The sun peeked out behind a cloud and and into my eyes. As I rose my hand to block out the rays, I saw Jasha exiting the clinic and entering into a silver Lincoln MKS. I yelled at the top of my lungs but she was gone before my words could reach her.

The police showed up minutes later to take everyone's story. To be honest, everything was such a blur, I don't even remember what all was said. Defeated, I grabbed some things from my truck and walked to the bus station.

The bus ride was a long one. I sat and stared at the back of the seat in front of me the entire time. I thought back to the times Jasha and I laid in the bed for hours at a time just talking and holding each other. I'd been telling myself that she didn't mean anything to me. That she was just another girl. Just a piece of pussy I'd decided to be nice to. But soon everything about her came rushing back to me. The way she smiled after I told a bad joke. The way her back arched when we laid on the couch together watching movies. The way she waddled after she had painted her toes. I could even smell her perfume. It became too much for me handle. I felt my heart breaking.

Upon returning to my house, I walked into the kitchen. A cold compress eased some of the pain from my face. I grabbed a beer and walked over to the television. After sprawling out over the couch, I fell asleep to the sounds of John Legend's latest video on BET.

The doorbell woke me and the darkness let me know that many hours had passed. I stood up to wipe the cold out of my eyes and trudged over to the front door.

To my surprise, it was Jasha. Even in my just-waking state, I was so happy to see her. I reached out to hug her. Nothing felt better than to feel her arms wrap around my neck and hold me in a warm embrace.

"Baby," she started with tears streaming down her face. "I have something I really need to tell you."







...to be continued...