(Because apparently that is your name now... Not even "The Rock" in quotation marks anymore... you smug son-of-a-bitch... SMH) What happened to you? I mean, you used to be the self-proclaimed "Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment..."
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Now you making Disney movies, my nigga? Seriously? You don't even look the same... frankly, I saw it coming... I knew once you did SNL (admittedly one of the best episodes ever), it was a wrap... the acting bug had you crazy... you used to be my dude... I'm not afraid to admit it... I bought a Rock shirt back in middle school and wore that shit to school at least once a week, non-fiction... and look what you've succumbed to... and I was on board from the very beginning... I wasn't even on board with The Greatest Ever Period (At Least Until KB24 Retires) donning stripes in the Pony League...
I thought that was the dumbest shit ever... luckily for MJ23, he atoned for his sins by coming back to grace us with arguably three of the greatest seasons a man has ever played in the L...
But I was still on board with you doing the movies... even if it meant you'd only wrestle half the time... ok, you did The Scorpion King... you was this big bad nigga... didn't lose your persona at all... then you did some decent films like The Rundown, Walking Tall... flicks that I didn't feel like I'd have a problem going to see...
THEN you decide you're going to leave wrestling to do movies full-time... ok, I couldn't hate on that... I didn't want you to leave (no 'mo of course) but you was my DUDE, son... I decided, I was gonna rock (no pun) with you and your decision to stack gwap... then how do you repay my fanship, fandom, fanhood (whatever the term is)...? The Gameplan? Seriously?
You follow up that string of movies with this shit? Granted, I peeped it one night on my friends DVR and couldn't believe my eyes... the premise was at least kinda dope... you're a QB, you did your thing and whatnot... at least that shit provided a dope ass apartment and some decent-looking groupies... everybody has to go a little left sometimes... I could dig trying different things...
But now this?
A cabbie for some kid aliens and then you help save the planet? You serious, B? Is this what it's come to? Nigga, you used to do the Rock Bottom!!! You are the innovator of The People's Elbow... you made Chris Jericho look like a straight up pussy on HIS debut, my nigga?
Why are you doing this shit to me? What did I do to you, Rock? I understand you gettin' that Will Smith paper when it comes to films but where's the justification for this shit? It's a fucking Disney movie!!! How fucking dare you? You are arguably the greatest non-white wrestler of all time and you dare ruin your legacy like this? I am no longer a fan... I've been reppin' you hardbody since fucking 6th grade and this is how you repay me? I'm telling you right now, if you ever have a movie where you're a transvestite or some type of crime-fighting grandmother, secret-FBI-agent, I'll deny ever having heard of you... (you ain't Martin Lawrence nigga)...
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